The Walk

Somebody once said to me, ‘Where would we be without a sense of humour’? I replied, ‘Blackburn’? Which of course was a joke, after working there for 9 years I can officially confirm that some of the people from Blackburn do have a Sense of humour. But it’s not easy to laugh when Covid 19 is spreading quicker than the farmers springtime fertilisation of the fields is it?

I mean it’s hard to raise a smile or have a spring in one's step now the canal path has become like The Trafford Centre Boxing Day Sale experience. Apparently because of Covid 19 we have to now unofficially avoid eye contact and deeply inhale as we pass strangers before we can exhale as they get beyond the 2 metres safety line.  Woe betide if we dare to breath a ‘good morning’ or ‘good afternoon’ for fear it could result in a fixed penalty notice or a banning order from walking the towpath or even being struck by the dreaded infection.

There is a 'runner' I often see, but she struggles somewhat with the pastime as see never seems to get too far away from me. Perhaps it’s the new trainers or just the cold hard fact that like myself she has the wrong body configuration for running and should perhaps stick to crisps and walking the dog slowly.

Across the field I was struck by some pensioners talking, there were a good 400 metres away as I entered the field. So generously I would give them the benefit of the doubt that it was just brief conversation about weather and Piers Morgan. Imagine my disappointment as they were still gassing as I approached the ‘zone’ of fear. I chose to offer a hard stare to convey my disappointment in society’s elders so fragrantly breaking the government request not to socialise under any circumstances. I considered a Facebook video, to shame them into dispersal but reconsidered after one of them looked vaguely familiar.

I need to calm down a little, as by the lodge a man stopped to look at the new-born ducklings, and I held him guilty as charged for ‘standing’ without purpose. Was this a necessary stoppage, was it essential to stop travelling. Fortunately, he moved on, which was good for both of us as it could have turned a little volatile.

As I re-joined the canal, some adults were drinking SKOL larger, I knew because I recognised the writing, S K O L, that spells SKOL and whilst not an expert I know cheap larger when I see it. They were certainly contravening social distancing guidelines, and again I considered recording their inappropriate behaviours. Wisely I didn’t, as I judged them to be rather unfriendly due to the use of a swear word beginning with ‘F’ and ‘B’ and then another ‘F. So I moved quickly along and tilted my head to the left in a shy way, a bit like Princess Diana used to do.

I do like to wear my headphones when walking, and sometimes I even listen to music which is nice. However, I do think I upset the gentleman in tight shorts and wrap around sunglasses who was obviously distressed that I hadn’t heard his little bell which forced him to literally grind to a standstill. This caused all sorts of issues, not for him as he was away in no time, but the sudden pathway jam had played havoc with my double retractable dog leads that got more twisted than an Agatha Christie classic. After some time, I did manage to release the Patterdale's left leg, and the cross collie’s right leg, and both my legs before we were able to continue.

As I made the turn for home, a man was fishing and walking along the canal at the same time, I didn’t know if I should berate him or congratulate him so I thought better of it as he had a tattoo of bat on his forearm. A wise choice I felt as one can never be too careful in these uncertain times.

As I made the final approach back to Chez Frost, I passed a travelling community, whose caravan collection was almost as impressive as Haven California Cliffs near Scarboro. How magnificent I thought if not a little challenging to living in a space as confined as that. I quickly ok’d it with myself as a number of the community seemed to be heavily engaged in the restoration of a transit van that was perhaps in its twilight years just like the old cross Collie dog I was walking with.

As I got to the gate, I shut it behind me for fear of recriminations from the family inside, and put the key in the PVC door, released the dogs and removed my footwear. I was delighted that my allocated hour of exercise had taken my mind of this dreadful illness, as I pondered, where would we be without a sense of humour?

Till next time,
Alextheanglican