Going through the emotions!

Do you ever think you think too much?

I know I do, As I approach a significant milestone in my Christian life, I can't help thinking about the journey I have traveled to this point of my life, I think about school days, friendships, past careers, and colleagues and it seems only a short time ago when I began my first days work as a Van Assistant for Currys Electrical visiting my first customer and struggling desperately trying to a connect a three point plug to a very heavy washing machine. Every time I wheel out a washing machine for a customer these days in my present job, it takes me back to my teenage years where I was very much the "lacky" and did just as I was told.
These days I frequently find myself considering my vocation. Why have I been called to Ordination training, What is it exactly, God wants me to do?  Why me?  Why now ? It creates many emotions, Worry, excitement, frustration, Joy, doubt, confidence, it really does take you on a roller coaster of thoughts.
  I have much support particularly from family and friends, and "the church" has cared for me beautifully, but i find myself frequently being asked by others What made you do it?
I used to say I don't know, after all for a considerable period of time I thought the road of Comedy, was my calling, writing comic material was a real passion, and without being arrogant I was confident it was good stuff, Production companies told me so, I have a brief case full of stuff that I keep tucked safely away just in case I feel the urge to push again and have a go at the "fame game" although at this moment in time I have absolutely no craving to travel down that particular road.
 I often wonder what people think of my Vocation, after all I'm a man of extremes, and some of past blogs reflect what I like to consider is a rather color full life that i'm living. Frequently when people learn of what i'm doing a common response would be "I didn't know you were religous" or "How does Sarah (my wife) feel about it"?
One of Jesus' teaching was warning of the dangers of judging someone, which is something I struggle with most days of my life, but in turn I suppose I must get used to the fact the people will be judging me as I am now, and when I ultimately become Ordained and wear the dog collar through out my working life.
  So lots of emotions but probably no more than any other human being who thinks about life, family, money, the future the past, and I just want to express my confidence in my Faith that keeps me on the straight and narrow.
  Something that nearly always happens now when i,m about is conversation will turn pretty quickly to the subject of God, People will openly express their own position, whether Christian, agnostic, or Atheist, they seem to want to get it off their chest. Which is great, some people share very private thoughts, worries, experiences, people ask me to pray for them which I always do of course. People ask deep theological questions, People sometimes challenge me to convince them God exists. The questions are endless, but I must tell you this, If you have the slightest bit of Faith that God exists, then you must find a way to express that, It needn't be in a Church, but you can pray anywhere, anytime, and get those things that mash your head, off your chest.
Prayer has become one of the most important practices of my life, It is rather tricky to do that in a noisy household and so most of my praying is done on a farm track with my dog Fletcher,(he chases rabbits) where I pray out loud and get it all out, which has been rather embarrassing sometimes as the occasional runner discretely jogs passed listening to me praying about, work, people, life etc. but do you not what? I couldn't care less.
Among all the thoughts I have a clear, conviction that my faith is my strength, I give it all to God sometimes, and boy does that help, knowing that he can take all my burdens, and worries and fears, and then fills me with overwhelming love and encouragement which can hit me completely out of the blue is inspiring stuff.
  So when I,m asked now what may you do this? My simple answer is "God did"!
This normally generates a difficult moment of silence, and we carry on, but yep God did, and that's that.
I encourage all who read this who haven't prayed for sometime, to do so, get some of the anxieties off your chest, give them to someone that will listen in silence but may respond in a way that you never thought possible. You can do it anywhere and at any time, you do not  need an appointment to be with God.
In the words of a comic hero,
May your God go with you.
Alex the Anglican.