Tick Tock

Hello and peace be with you,

Well as the days and weeks zoom by the reality of the future draws closer and closer although to  others they can’t quite believe I don’t already have my dog collar, a church, and a leafy lane Parish to take care of.

There are two questions I am posed more than any others, the first being, Aren’t you a Vicar yet? And what made you want to become a Vicar? I think I have addressed the latter in previous blogs, but the first, Aren’t you a Vicar yet has a more simpler answer, NO !

However it feels close enough to occasionally be frightened to death but at the same time far enough away to be relaxed and unconcerned about the future. People (mainly third year Ordinands) tell me that being a second year Ordinand is a ‘good’ place to be, no decisions to be made, no clergy frocks to order, no essay deadlines to hit! Yeah right if only.

The time of ‘Vicar training’ is also referred to as a time of formation, and I often wonder what that looks like, what is the tangible evidence to convince myself and others that I am becoming a man worthy of such a respectable and distinguished position as a man of the cloth. On the instruction of ‘her indoors’ I went to a works do and seriously let my very short hair down! Part of me had decided to enjoy the posh tea and quietly slip away for prayers and a early night. But with instructions from home ringing in my ears I did the opposite and consumed full bottle of beer, indulged in a posh pudding and headed for the dance floor with an old work mate who had considerably more energy than me and a lot, lot more rhythm than my good self. I danced myself in a state of exhaustion and was ready to gracefully leave the arena, when I was inspired for ‘round two’ by the pop star, Alexandra Burke who I am sure had been reasonably funded to entertain a large group of Retail Managers! Not being huge Burket…. I tried to sing along and give the impression I knew every word to every song. As she sang Hallelujah, I raised my arms to praise the lord and displayed my crucifix on the outside of my cravat and passionately swayed with pride as the crowd sung along.

As I got back to my room, high on nothing other than adrenalin, I sat on the bed removed my very sweaty dinner suit, and sat on the bed and reflected what a very pleasant evening I had enjoyed with some delightful company.I reflected on some of the conversations I had during the day and night. I would never ever break a confidence, but there was enough in a few moments of words and concerns from others for me to understand a little more about the time and period of formation I am experiencing.  

As I sat on my bed I looked across at the unoccupied single bed opposite, and among the defrocked dinner jacket and shirts, the deodorant, the dirty clothes and the spare socks and knickers (thats what we call them in our house) was my daily prayer book. This little hardback maroon book has become a bit a companion, it seems to never be far away from my side, It often lives on the kitchen table, or somewhere around the house, getting under Sarah’s feet but never far away from me.

Feeling rather fatigued from my John Travolta exploits sleeping was probably the preferred option to praying but a little part of me just wouldn’t allow myself to retire for the night without spending some time in prayer, and so I hit page  333 of my prayer book to ‘do’ Compline!

The prayers were private, but in those few moments I learnt a little something new about myself, a little something I may have known already but something I certainly know now. My life is heading in a different direction, by Gods will, I shall become an Ordained person in the spring of 2015, and between now and then I shall continue to be prepared for the many years of serving Christ as a Deacon, Priest and then Vicar, I shall be ‘formed’ as a priestly person!

So what is ‘formed’? Well if it is changing ones personality, losing ones sense of humor, being offended by a swear word or two or maybe taking exception when the word Jesus or God is used out of context, then  it aint happening. But if it is about, listening, responding, encouraging, reading, learning, teaching, loving, holding, rejoicing, friendship, laughing, crying and praying then I concede that through the love of our Lord Jesus Christ I am slowly but surely being ‘formed’ into the person God wants when the day of Ordination finally arrives.

As the ‘tick’ ‘tocks’ people say they see it, they hear it they feel it, and with humility trust me when I say that is both humbling and incredibly moving. The journey is hard, the road is long, the experience is just wonderful, in a rare ‘night off’ from the way of life, I  found people I could express love and joy to, whilst downing tools, letting my very short hair down and remaining absolutely committed and incredibly proud of my discipleship to God the three in one.

Peace and Love brothers and sisters

Alex