Wednesday 14 November 2012

Supermarket Wind Swept !

Hi,
   In my 43 years on this beautiful planet, I have only had the pleasure of being asked for my autograph on one occasion. I was in Bulgaria with my dear wife, and I was waxing lyrical to a Scandinavian women about my budding refereeing career. In broken English she misinterpreted what I was saying and duly asked for my signature on a napkin, so in some respects I had tasted celebrity status before and I obliged so I knew what lied ahead.

                                                               
                                                                      Bulgaria


I have have appeared on television three times, well four if you include Football league Highlights from 1986 I spotted my Parker jacket behind the goal against Port Vale in the days when Burnley were in the lower echelons of English Football. Anyway My first 'major' TV appearance was in the Question Time audience when it visited Burnley some years ago, I don't remember much except putting my arm up a lot trying to get David Dimblebys' attention. When it was my turn I burbled some nonsense about 'keeping the pound' (see my earlier blog about my political career) and took some satisfaction that my comment raised a ripple of applause from the people of Burnley.

My next time for the telly would be with my old work mate and fellow Christian, Janine as we headed for auditions at Granada studios to apply for the high brow television show Supermarket Sweep !



Janine Bradley

So off we went and were welcomed into a Hotel foyer with a large group of high intellectuals like ourselves to be road tested for this cutting edge piece of television. I had no idea what Supermarket Sweep was and Janine's brief description left me little the wiser. Well off we went and I vaguely remember sitting at the back as a number of television people asked us to do silly things and generally be a bit stupid. Surprisingly Janine and myself found this quite easy and acted like two misbehaving teenagers, being daft and taking nothing too seriously.

A few weeks later the call came through at work that me and Janine had been selected to star on the apparently legendary TV show Supermarket Sweep! Janine bounced up and down and I, well bounced up and down with her. We were only going on the telly!

A Television


Being 'hired' for television was not without the trimmings of luxury and we were allowed to drive the 250 miles the night before recording and we were treated to 2 single rooms in a upmarket hotel emporium known as Premier Inn. We left  for Kent at around mid day and I recall it being the trickiest journey of my entire life, Janine didn't shut up once! No seriously it was awful, the worse wind conditions had hit the UK and the M6 in the North West was shut as  was the M1, so we constantly had to find an alternative route!  On our way we passed a famous fast food establishment where the M had been blown off one of its hinges turned upside down and had humorously turned in Wcdonolds! After much singing and laughing to get through the trip, we arrived at Premier Inn, Maidstone, sometime after midnight a mere 12 hours after leaving Lancashire.

 

Premier Inn Maidstone

In the morning we pushed the celebrity lifestyle to the max and had a Little Chef Olympic breakfast. We had two or three hours to kill so we walked around a garden center, and had beverage from a vending machine!

 
  
                              Little Chef                                                   Olympic Breakfast


 Eventually it was time to go and make television. We were so excited, and were taken through to the Green room where we met other contestants, ate curled up sandwiches and watched re runs of previous Shows. As dull as it sounds me and Janine were loving every minute of it.
Next up was a visit  to the set, and excitingly enroute we passed the sets of Art Attack and Trisha, the girl who sold her soul to channel 5 and was never to be seen again!


                                                                      Art Attack            


 So there we were me and Janine, stood in a TV Studio that had been converted into a Supermarket. It was very, very surreal. Then all of a sudden the star of the show Dale Winton appeared. We were kept at a secure distance, whilst he dribbled some nonsense about having fun and being camp as possible.


Dale Winton


Back to The Green Room and it was time for makeup, That was nice I'd never had a professional put lady products on my face before, and to be honest there is not a lot you can do with a face that looks this good.
So it was time to record, and boy did me and Janine camp it up, we skipped around the set, giggled in all the right places and generally got into the spirit of being quiz show contestants.
We didn't win I  smashed a jar of pickles and didn't find the bonus banana or whatever it was I was supposed to be doing! We were sent on our way with a souvenir Supermarket sweep sweatshirt, and got in the car to enjoy the rush hour traffic and the long trip back to Lancashire! Janine and myself had the time of our lives and I know it holds happy memories for both us.

My final appearance to date, (Songs of Praise haven't approached me. Yet !) was on the BBC, this time is was with the Queen of the Battle axes, Anne Robinson on the legendary, The Weakest Link. Not wanting to delay those of you reading this blog, I shall try and cut the tale short. So I did all the make up, and Green Room stuff, never met Anne beforehand, and was basically taken to the set, had a quick rehearsal and then Ms Robinson appeared, She was rude, and didn't make light conversation! So we were off, and slowly but surely I was making it through each round and I was not to be defeated until the final and took great pride that is was only a post graduate from Cambridge University that would take the winners cheque away from my grasp.


The Host of Watchdog


As the weeks went by after recording TWL people started recognizing me at work, "Your that chap off the Weakest Link" was the most common phrase, but it was only a few months later, when I was frequently being seen on Outake TV for pretty much humiliating a lady who was rather large. I can't remember the exact words I used but as someone who was in the Comedy game I didn't need much encouragement from Anne Robinson, to take the bait, and add some Frost humor to proceedings. Anne asked me if I thought a fellow contestant was overweight and my response was along the lines of 'Well I'm not saying she's a bloater, but should could probably do with losing a few pounds'. Much laughter and banter followed and at the end Anne gave me a kiss and whispered in my ear, "Your a funny man". This episode resulted in the scene taking it's place in subsequent outtake shows, which left me feeling rather uncomfortable.

For a considerable time, months and months to be precise, I was frequently recognized at work as the Out takes hit Challenge TV and other Freeview channels.  You see I never got a chance to see the lady after the recording, she left whilst I was still filming. I wanted to say sorry, I didn't mean to be so personal.
I have always had a bit of 'showbiz' in my personality, and I can't lie the recognition was flattering, but as I reflect now the taste is bittersweet.
To end this blog I just want to say a few words about words. Words can do so much good but yet can do so much harm, If the lady in question enjoyed the recognition as well then I feel slightly better. If she was offended I deeply regret it, I suppose I will never know, but now as a Christian I choose my words much more carefully and try to be considerate in how I express them. I have not become righteous or boring (I have always been boring) but what you say is easily forgotten once the words have come from your mouth, but what is heard can last forever. When I was 15 years old I was told I was too stupid to take a maths exam, and sent to draw pictures with the year sevens. Funny now ? but never forgotten!




Just saying.

Peace be with you all
Alextheanglican.



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