Musings from Iceland!

Hi,

   I felt a little uncomfortable this morning as I walked down the farm track. I sensed something occurring behind me and as I looked over my should a very young calf and it's mother and it's father and a whole herd of beef were hurtling in my direction with only a rusty line of barbed wire to protect me from almost certain death from the marauding cattle. Externally I was calm, inwardly I was shitting myself, as I politely said, 'oh hello'  as they quickly got nearer and nearer and so greeted them respectfully and said 'you alright?' stupidly expecting some sort of reasonable response. The chief cow let out a mighty Moooooo and stared at me in the way Mike Tyson would stare at one of his impending victims. Fletcher (my dog) on  the other hand thought it most entertaining and sort of rocked backwards and forwards in anticipation of a playful charge around the field. I remained calm and gently screamed at Fletch to come away and leave them be. He duly ignored me and barked away contentedly. 

It was something like this !

Its funny how we can go from comfortableness to un-comfortableness in a few moments of hysteria. I frequently leave work and head off to the local retail park that houses the leading freezing and value specialist  Iceland and also Co-op, Ladbrokes and Coral bookmakers. I park up and wait patiently for 2 of my children to get off the school bus for their expected and unappreciated taxi service home. It surprising how quickly you can go from a feeling of comfort to a feeling of unease just sitting in a parking bay watching the world go by for 5 or ten minutes. Just a few days ago I parked up minding my own business, sometimes if I am a little early I get my phone out with my little prayer app on it and have a few moments of prayer and peaceful  tranquility in my scruffy little Chevrolet Aveo. Well on this occasion I had the window down a little and without noticing a police car draw up at my side whilst I was 'in the moment'. As my chin had sunken deep into my chest I was utterly oblivious to the officer who was patrolling the said car park. As I rose from my 'moment' I looked across at the constable who was paying me no attention and looking in the opposite direction at what I believe may have been a local 'customer' up to no good. I instantly felt uncomfortable and thought I hope he doesn't think I am loitering with intent to do know good. What if he thought I was a local gangster or villain waiting to do no good, if he asks I shall just mention I'm training to be a Vicar, No !!!!!!

The very practical Chevrolet Aveo!

It's amazing what you see from my little spot, I see a Black lady and a pram walk passed virtually every single day at exactly the same time, I observed a weird school boy on a passing bus gesticulate rather perversely at an old lady waiting for the number what ever !  I was approached once by a man wanting money, I refused so he called me a tight *c**t which left me rather frightened and unsure if I did the right thing or not. I have watched a big fat man get off his disability scooter and walk perfectly naturally into the bookies which left me uncomfortably asking myself Is this man disabled? Is he not just over weight? Is he on benefits? Is he spending his benefits in the bookies? Am I judging him? Should I be sympathizing with him? etc etc.   I see an Asian man in the same bookies, I question his religious integrity, I have seen chubby kids leaving Iceland with Pizzas and pop and I question their diet and general well being,  I see cars park on yellow lines and think why don't they park like I have and I generally curse them. So many things that make me feel slightly uncomfortable.

A Fat Kid Pizza

I don't really like the side of me that judges, it goes against the Christian Ethos somewhat, maybe it comes from a lifetime of trying to outdo others, maybe from school days fighting for ones credibility or standing in the school community, maybe out rivalry with a sibling, A desire to be better than the next person or out do a colleague a uneasy win at all costs mentally. It's something that I am very much  aware of and something I work really hard against doing. I don't want  to judge or be judged but somehow feel it is unavoidable in this highly competitive world that we live in.  I can think of so many examples were I have been judged, or compared or  given points for my performance as if I was some kind of  living Opportunity knocks clapo-meter. Assessed for work, for church, for writing, for stand up comedy, for studies it is just one long list in ones life long assessment. I really don't recall when just being okay has been okay ! 

 

  Hughie and his clapometer

But hey ho It is not my job to change the world I shall leave that to Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber but I think it doesn't do any harm to remind ourselves sometimes that when we find ourselves crossing the reasonable boundaries of judging others then we should indeed take a 'timeout' and enforce a restraining order on ourselves to make sure we don't judge others in a way that can be hurtful and harmful particularly if it is for  our own self esteem or progression.  

Till next time,

Alextheanglican