The difference a year makes.

Hello and Happy New Year,

This is the day the Lord hath made and it is also the year God has strangely decided by his grace that I shall be ordained in. And indeed what a difference a year makes, Our New year celebrations were a little different this time round and we had a pleasant evening playing board games and indulging in an Iceland platter that did little to arouse the taste buds as we attempted to guess what we were eating and where the duck had absconded to, in the spring roll that was sadly lacking character and taste.

I think the first sentence to leave my mouth the moment Big Ben lit the indulgent fuse wire on the London fireworks was ‘I’m getting ordained this year’ and it was not to dissimilar the year before when the only difference was the addition of the  word ‘next’. It has to be said it has and continues to be roller coaster of emotions as I go from excitement to anxiety, to enthusiasm to frustration and tolerance to impatience. 

 However ordination is creeping ever closer but it doesn’t necessarily make things any easier to deal with.  We are fortunate enough to have our housing arrangements sorted which is something that some of my peers still have to finalize and as the property is empty we are able to pop along and begin to plan what will go where and who will have which room etc. The house is lovely and will provide us with a delightful family home throughout my curacy, but when I stand alone in the vast lounge or slow step around the study that looks out onto a lovely garden I really do reflect upon the journey thus far and wonder how it all got to this stage.  In hindsight a lesson I have learned and continue to learn is to trust in God and accept his will whatever that may be.

A friend said to me recently I can see you slowly turning into a Vicar! I took it as a compliment and as I reflect upon this long road to ordination it somehow rings true, The years of study, preparation, prayers, travel (boy have I done some miles?) reflection, laughs, tears are indeed slowly preparing me for a new life as a man of the cloth!  Occasionally I meet someone I haven’t seen for many years and when I tell them my new pathway they are initially quite shocked and wonder what happened to the previous ambition of being a stand –up comedian or full time jester in the retail sector.  Well if the recent residential at Rydal Hall was anything to go by the hilarity and sense of fun is still very much in the bones that God created. It was lovely seeing some dear friends with tear filled eyes laughing out loud as we let off a bit of steam as we journey together on the road to ordination. I am indeed slowly turning, or preparing for life anew and I am looking forward to it very much but it doesn’t come without sadness.

Work has many  finalities about it at the moment, last peak conference, last Argos Christmas, last annual performance review, last catalogue launch, etc. and whilst it may be assumed I can’t wait to go, it is most certainly not the case. After giving 15 years of my working life to the company with the laminated browsers it is going to be very difficult to say goodbye to the world of retail that has provided for me and my family since I first was employed by Curry’s at the tender age of just 15. Argos has pretty much been a great experience and has been a wonderful training facility for ordained ministry Trust me there is no walk of life that has not been experienced during my time as a retail business leader. The pastoral experiences have been unending, from bereavements to family breakdowns, from shoplifters to homeless people sleeping in bins, from acts of kindness to lessons learnt, Argos has been incredible.

For now I continue to do my best for my employers, January is never an easy time, but trying to encourage my team to prepare for a new boss and keep motivated is the focus of my attention at this moment. By mid-May my work with Argos will be done, I will be very sad to say goodbye but will take many happy memories and some wonderful friends.  At home the excitement and preparation slowly builds, a bit like looking forward to the holiday of a life time, not that I expect ordination to be like a holiday. But preparing, forming, whatever it’s identified as is joyful and scary, daunting and enthralling I am looking forward most definitely. I have returned to my sending church Higham St Johns, where the support is encouraging and affirming.

St Matthews in Burnley will be my future home that will offer new experiences, new challenges, and it will be exciting to see how my ministry and discipleship to God develops. I am getting ready to serve the people and Christ, I’m not quite ready yet, but through the support of my most amazing and beautiful wife Sarah and my friends and by the grace and
love of God by the time July 4^th arrives I will be able and ready to serve God as a Deacon then Priest then Vicar for the rest of my working life.

Your prayers will be appreciated,

Much love

Alextheanglican.

Advent.

Well hello,

                  Today is the beginning of Advent, did you know that? Or are you so busy you don’t have time or the inclination to even consider the Christian concept of Christmas?

The news coverage over the last few days has been quite incredible as we observe dear old ladies and gentlemen get trampled over and battered by humans of varying ethnicities as they scramble for 50 inch televisions assembled in the most cost effective countries to do nothing more than increase the footfall into Supermarket ‘hangers’ and satisfy the ever uneasy shareholder. It’s the bloke who went in for a Warburton’s loaf and some fairy liquid that I feel sorry for!

I’ve worked in retail all my life, Black Friday didn’t exist a few years ago, It has been embraced into the bosom of society like a re run of Morecambe and Wise or Only Falls and Horses. Somebody has gone, ‘we’ll have a bit of that’ and bing, bang, bosh, people have turned into frenzied monsters who in a few more years will arrive at ASDA in full combat gear, all tooled up and ready to inflict immense pain on the enemy in the desire to grab a sandwich toaster that nobody wanted the day before. It’s landed quicker than a crow on a deceased hedgehog.  Retailers wont just need security they will require a border crossing, bullet proof vests and no man’s land area that keeps the animals from the meat, so to speak!

I have to be honest and suggest this utter ridiculous and embarrassing behavior by the human race is indicative of our society today. This shameful display by individuals clambering over one another to gain an advantage is common place throughout industry today and frankly only enhances my belief and faith in the way and truthfulness of Christianity in its purest form.  Expectation that you only succeed in life is a huge burden to carry, why do we always have to get what we want? Why do we always have to be successful? Why do we always have to do better than the man or woman that walks by our side?  I would suggest that sometimes it is good to be vulnerable; sometimes it’s okay not to be running on a full tank, sometimes it okay to do absolutely nothing.  The supermarket  debacle only reinforces my belief that when we should be resting we are out battling and fighting to gain an advantage over someone else and on this occasion the competitive edge led to fighting, abuse and shame on the man or women that was kicking ten bells of the you know what out of the weaker individual in the desire to grab a cheaply manufactured television that will probably pack up working before the next Black Friday.

This Urban warfare should remind us all of what society is becoming and at the beginning of advent Christians are encouraged to prepare to celebrate the coming of Christmas, would you know that? Has that had any media coverage? Is that given any press space? Can anybody even be bothered to consider Christmas in its Christian form? For Christians, Christmas has been robbed it has been ripped away from them by a consumerist society that places significant financial burdens upon families and creates the anticlimax that it’s all over come Boxing Day when the scrap for the next Matsui or Blaupunkt piece of electrical hardware takes place up and down the high street. For Christians Christmas doesn’t finish on Christmas day, it begins!

I don’t for one minute believe this situation will change any time soon but I do want anybody who might read this little advent rant to consider the Christian message that is delivered this coming Christmas. Whatever your view of Christians, religion, me! The story of Jesus is not that unbelievable, just very helpful, He came into the world to help us, to save us from ourselves, to teach us the idea that we can heal and be healed, and to love one another.

We all claim to be in shock and awe at the recent clips of ‘nutters’ fighting for a successful haul, but be honest with yourself, could that have been you? How far are you being pushed in the search for success?

Advent affords you the opportunity to claim back a bit of yourself if that makes sense? A chance to re-evaluate your own self-being. To consider your own existence and the purpose of being alive.  If you feel you have lost your identity or are being manufactured into something you are not then let advent encourage to do something about, The message of Christ is simple and I repeat’ he came into the world to help us, to save us from ourselves, to teach us the idea we can heal and be healed, and to love one another.

Black Friday, was meaningless, the consumerist Christmas is short lived, the lovely time you will spend with your families is real, the twelve days of Christmas begin on Christmas Day, and I encourage that if possible you extend your season of goodwill to then and beyond, and use advent as a time of reflection and consider where you’re up to and what is important in your life.

In Christ

Alex the Anglican

Enjoy the silence

Hello,

Whilst my last post was written in the beautiful surroundings of the Lake District I compose this latest offering from somewhere a little less romantic. The rolling countryside, photographers and water features has been replaced by the urban setting of my family home. I look out from my kitchen table through the finger printed glass that is the gateway to our conservatory. In the said building that was added to enhance our real estate I can see two feet wrestling with one another but no torso can be perused. I can tell you it is my daughter who is multi-tasking by sprawling out on her tummy whilst reading a book, watching children’s television, singing an unrecognizable song and of course foot wrestling. I can see pots of paint being stored as my good lady sets about painting another wall in preparation for us selling the house before becoming the curate at St Matthews Burnley in spring next year. I can see my back garden which is looking very post summer. There is a St Georges flag sticking out of moss infested, chipped flower pot I can’t remember if the flag originated from a World Cup, or a Olympics or a jubilee or non, of the afore mentioned but it’s certainly lost its regal appearance it acquired when purchased from the pound shop as the elements have taken its toll on the once healthy red cross of our great nation. An empty washing line, a punctured football, two guinea pigs and a much used and slightly rusting swinging hammock make up the setting I present before you this late October morning.

 

A PUNCTURED BALL

                                               
                                                ST MATTHEWS CHURCH BURNLEY

It’s the first day of the half term holidays here in Lancashire, I have taken a few days off to spend with the children but as is quite normal, I find that whilst the physical body is not at work the cogs and mechanics that engineer my thoughts and emotions reveal that I am still very much at ‘work’ in the mental sense. Being a manager anywhere carries certain responsibilities and from time to time those responsibilities are greater and more challenging than other times in one’s career. And so a holiday is often a welcome relief for many of individuals that live in the world of supervision and responsibility. Some people enjoy the stress of a busy day or an unplanned crisis that throws the once smooth running period in to utter turmoil. Some people really enjoy being the problem solver, the font of all knowledge, the go getter the star of the future, the unbreakable and the most heroic. However some people just can’t cope with the pressure of management or deadlines, they wobble, make mistakes blame others and make excuses. Ultimately falling into a pit of despair and ultimately failing, frequently through no fault of their own. Being placed into a position of responsibility without the necessary skills and experience is in my view is one of the worst things any business can do and is both detrimental to the business and the individual. I’m pleased to say that has not really been something I have experienced except in the instance of a company that is long gone and no longer trading. The manager who ‘led’ us was way out of their depth and to be honest would have been out of their depth had they just been paddling in the gentle waves that may occasionally reach the shores of the vast dry beaches of the Southport coast line. The reality was they were not a great manager but the truth was the individual was a truly lovely person and someone who I respect personally if less so professionally. I’m pleased to tell you that individual left the world of management and found their niche and they excel at what they do now, that is something that encourages me greatly.

SOUTHPORT (BY THE SEA)

So whilst the great and the mighty flourish and the inexperienced and the misplaced ‘fail’ it leaves those sometimes floundering away somewhere in between  sometimes the ones we forget about, the individuals that manage but are not managing and barely coping. The vulnerable individuals that externally communicate that all is well but internally their world is challenging and joyless. I do believe that up and down the land we inhabit there are thousands and thousands of individuals in this unhealthy category. This can be extended out to not just businesses and managers but to the ups and downs of living of relatively normal life. In the very busy secular world that dominates the working week for most of us today people are struggling to cope with ever increasing chores, school runs, clubs, shopping, bills, relationships and so on and so on.  The lives we are living are so often in the uncontrollable fast lane and often we find ourselves breaking the speed limit of life to cram it all in.

Yesterday I led family worship at St Johns church Higham and I asked the congregation to raise their hands if they felt life was just so hectic and if they struggled to get things done in a day. I can’t be certain but if I suggest 99% of the parishioners raised their hands I don’t think I would be too far out in my estimation. All this pressure that is placed on people and this pressure that we place on ourselves is a real cause for worry and concern. Where are you right now? Be honest with yourself, are you loving every minute of every day? Are you in control of your destiny and well-being? What could you do to alleviate the pressure of life?

                                               ST JOHNS HIGHAM (NEAR BURNLEY)

I know that many of those who may read this blog would prefer more humor and amusing anecdotes from my colorful past and much less of the religious and Jesus loving rhetoric that I often conclude my blogs with. On this occasion you may be deeply disappointed.

The pace of life you/we/I are living will not slow down on its own accord, something or someone has to intervene and reclaim the time and space that is desperately required in our lives today. Church or Faith or Christianity or religion or whatever words you choose to use describe people like me often comes in for much criticism. ‘Church’ is often described as boring, out of date, out of touch, irrelevant, bigoted, and serving nobody but themselves. Well who knows? Maybe the criticism is just and correct. But don’t be surprised if I disagree!  Maybe we, the church, are little old fashioned maybe we are struggling to cope with the digital revolution, maybe we use language of bygone days, maybe we need to adapt quicker to the changing world.

BLACKBURN CATHEDRAL

Maybe, maybe, maybe or maybe not! I have no idea why people come to church, I haven’t asked but I guess for many reasons, to worship God, for friendship, for company, for tea and biscuits and so on and on. I would suggest in this mad crazy world that for many of you church is simply not an option it’s not your bag, it’s far too uncomfortable for you to consider but I challenge you how comfortable or uncomfortable is your life right now?    I encourage you to do one thing though. In this country of tolerance, inclusion, equality and free will. Please look at church through maybe a slightly different lens. Not as a place where you are going to be indoctrinated and battered by the will of the all fearing Priest, but as a place of opportunity and sanctuary and community away from the hectic lifestyle you live. I have often in the past taken friends or colleagues to Blackburn Cathedral and the stillness, beauty and tranquility of the space is often remarked upon. As a future ordained minister, I don’t expect people to come and fall to their knees on entering a church, I don’t expect you to become a devout Christian and plead for your sins to be forgiven. I will not turn you away for your color or your sexuality or your religious background and I will welcome you if you’re an atheist or agnostic, loving life or deeply frustrated, but I will encourage you to find some space for quiet contemplation and listen to the silence that will surround you!

 There is a verse in the Bible it writes ‘Come to me all who are heavy laden and I shall give you rest’.  It’s in the New Testament in the book of Matthew 11:28.30. For theologians they are expected to understand it, study it, explain it and preach on it. For those non theologians I suggest you don’t need to do any of the above but simply respond to it. Churches and cathedrals are beautiful historic places of worship and the next time you are visiting a city or parish and the door is open (which it should be) then why not nip in, sit down, enjoy the silence and be encouraged to take the sting out of life and put some peace and ‘you’ time back into your weekly schedule.

Many blessings from Burnley

Alextheanglican.

 

     

From the training camp.

Hello good people,

 Let me paint the scene for you. It is 6.30 am on a mid-September morning and I am three stories up sat in total silence looking out at the most beautiful countryside in the heart of the Lake District. Rydal Hall is my location; a Church of England establishment where people of faith and non-come to enjoy the delightfulness of Ambleside and the surrounding area.

It has just come light, not light enough for the huge solar powered water fountain to burst in to life and dominate the stunningly kept gardens below but enough light to appreciate Gods glorious creation. A few moments ago the silence was broken by a huge flock of geese that soared passed the landscape like a displaying squadron of the Red Arrows before they descended and disappeared into the distance. Sheep are already grazing in the fields below and the occasional car lights illuminate the twisting roads that head into the village.

It is the first morning at the beginning of my final months as an Ordinand and the dynamic and feel of the community has changed somewhat due to falling numbers. Just ten of us this time round, ten individuals with their own stories and their own pathways and their own individual relationships with the Lord that ultimately brought them to Rydal Hall this weekend. Being at this incredibly beautiful place raises a number of emotions, first and foremost is one of feeling very, very fortunate. This place doesn’t come cheap, it is very middle to upper class and some of the residents reflect this in their language and presentation, it’s a little more Mark and Spencer than Ethel Austin shall we say? Their intention is to enjoy the Lake District but probably more by the way of heritage attractions, local history and art galleries rather than let’s go on a boat and visit The Beatrix Potter world in Windermere.  Pleasantries are exchanged at meal times and then our varying groups go our separate ways.

This is the ‘induction’ weekend where we meet with fellow Christians down at the university campus in Ambleside later. The village in September is still a magnet for tourism and it’s not long before the next tour bus of people from faraway places rumble through heading to the next unexplored gem on their significant Lake District itinerary. Up at the campus, is the time of year when new students come and do all the necessaries before embarking on proper study for the rest of the year.  Often you can sense the anxiety of people beginning something new which for many is a frightening and daunting experience. Not being sure of what to expect and wondering if it is all going to be possible. I have felt that on a number of occasions I can tell you. I head there for my third and final time feeling reasonably calm about things whilst wondering how my family is doing back home particularly as Sarah and the girls are sleeping in a tent in our back garden!

In some ways I will be glad when the final induction is done it will mean no more and just a little closer to the big day. Ordination is creeping closer and closer, big decisions are approaching, house moves are looming, children are asking, colleagues are reminding and I am just worrying! Worrying that it will be okay, worrying that the family will be happy, worrying if the congregation will like me, worrying that I will like them, worrying if I can do it or not etc  etc  etc  etc and lot more act’s after that.

It’s 7.24 am now I have enjoyed a cup of tea and a complimentary biscuit, out of my other window I can see the hall and surrounding landscape coming to life, there is a rabbit nibbling on something or other in the garden and unbeknown to each other is a man taking photographs of a rather sedate river that flows with much more severity in the winter months, he must be good though as he has a tripod! He appears to be out for the day by his large rucksack and his robust walking shoes.

8.50 am, just returned from downstairs where I enjoyed 7.45 communion with the group followed by a rather disorganized breakfast to set me up nicely for the day, the fried eggs were out of stock so settled for a poached one. The teapot eventually arrived, but the satisfaction was lost due to the waiting time. Anyhow the rush to get to campus is on, ablutions, phone calls and a quick tidy round is in order. Will report back later!

You would think that after 2 years of doing this I would have taken heed of the email that said bring your own mug, I didn’t and was reduced to a little plastic affair that struggled with anything wet let alone anything hot and wet! The Induction day has gone okay, comforted that it was my last one I had more energy than I anticipated and the cheese and chutney sandwiches were a joy to be hold whilst the crisps and no cake were less impressive. Lots of new faces as people set off on their reader training, a mixed bag it has to be said, one that is hard to describe but if I had to I would suggest it was group of people that wouldn’t look out of place at concert where Daniel O’Donnell were topping the bill. The short trip back to Rydal was erm short and as I type away with a cup of Cumbrian tea and a party ring biscuit I look out where the long gone photographer stood earlier today I reflect that time sometimes moves  slowly but surely creeps ever closer to the big day.

The evening concluded with a fine send off for our departing principal, lots of old friends and faces were present, and I sat with a couple of friends and a lady I didn’t know, I introduced myself and asked ‘what do you do?’ to which she replied, ‘I’m the Bishops wife’! I sat a little more upright and slipped into my telephone voice, whilst the esteemed lady smiled a lot until the conversation dwindled into nothing. She turned to her right I turned to my left, she spoke to her friend and I spoke to mine, Happy Days !! Compline (Night prayer) brought proceedings to a close, I did a reflection and brought Marc Almond into conversation, we prayed, I felt close to my Lord and savior, I missed my family had a drink a came away to finish this blog.

Only 6 more of these weekends remain and I was wondering if you are aware of how time changes you? 24 months ago I was bursting with excitement about becoming an ordinand and whilst the novelty still hasn’t worn off, the time that has passed and has certainly changed me. It’s changed my approach, my opinions, my actions, my prayers, my priorities and my life and those closest to me. Hopefully though it hasn’t changed my personality or my sense of humor it’s still raging below like a live volcano. Rightly or wrongly it is in my DNA it is what I am about and something I wouldn’t exchange for anything. A long time ago a manager I knew who was appointed as a mentor to me, told me to achieve any kind of promotion I would have to basically change my personality, it is a conversation I will never forget. I recall ending the conversation abruptly thanking the individual for their time, explaining that I would be prepared to do many things to change but what was being suggested was simply not possible. Fortunately many years later a new mentor, God has changed me, changed me in an amazing and incredible way, but thankfully he left my personality intact and never have I felt compromised by who I am or what I do or how I do it.

My conclusion to this blog is very simple but truthful and that is be the person you are, be the person God created, be yourself, remember your mug, prepare lots of eggs, don’t bother with the tripod, and look out for them geese.

Love to you all

Alextheanglican.

Thinking Out Loud ....

Hello friends,

                      It has been a while since I took to the world of blogging so here we are in early July where you find me in a rather contemplative, reflective kind of mood. So much has passed and so much to look forward whilst trying to embrace the here and now!

The last month or so has been quite memorable for many a reason not least of which was the Ordination of some lovely people who I have come to call friends, and the service at Blackburn Cathedral was delightful. To see such happy individuals with loved ones surrounding them as the Bishop of Blackburn laid on his hands and set them off to begin life as clergy folk was really fantastic. I sat with some fellow Ordinands and we were very proud to be able to enjoy the day with them and I can't lie that on more than one occasion it crossed my mind that it was me and my buddies who would be next, by the Grace of God of course!

I have recently discovered where my first post will be and when I received the email suggesting it would be St Matthews church in Burnley I have to tell you I was overjoyed. Apart from the first four years of my life when I had a little southern accent from being born in Tooting South London I have spent my entire life in Burnley and those of you who know me well will understand how much I love this old industrial mill town and how pleased I am that God has called me to spend the formative years of my ministry remaining in the borough. With the excitement of the news comes the realization that things are changing that I wont be an Ordinand, Store Manger or layperson for that much longer. The prospect of becoming a Deacon, clergyman, Rev or even Father is a little overwhelming, however I will still be a husband, father and friend to those around me and as the awareness of change heightens so does the trepidation and fear factor that in less than 12 months I with my family will begin an exciting and very scary new chapter of our lives. My family are deeply important to me and what a burden my and my calling form God are to them, but how amazingly supportive is my dear wife Sarah.

 The process I suspect is cranking up somewhat, I have ordered my first cassock which my Mum and Granny insisted on funding and I find myself perusing the numerous clergy retailers looking at clergy shirts that all look the same but am assured and vastly different in quality.  Also we have to move home at some point and I was ordered to power wash the drive today I sense Sarah is getting down to the task of getting things in order to be able to sell our house as we prepare to move to pastures new. Whilst we await news from the Diocese where our new home will be we have taken to looking at properties for sale in the Parish, probably setting our expectations a little too high as we saw a lovely home for sale with sprawling gardens and a pebbled drive, I suspect it wont be that be we do pray it is a nice family home!

One thing I am looking forward to is the colleges annual Summer School and as I remind people it is not a holiday but a week of theological education centered around worship and prayer, if it as half as good as last year trip to Cuddesdon in the Oxfordshire country then it will be a worthwhile trip, Mirfield near Huddersfield I hope your ready for us! Having the added pressure of arranging the social evening is not great and also being the newly elected chairman of the Ordinand meetings is something I am not accustomed to but will give it my best shot and I am sure my colleagues will be gentle with me. Another birthday away from home is a another reminder of some of the sacrifices one makes in fulfilling the desire to be Ordained and I am sure there will be many of those to deal with over the coming years. 

Another thing that I have been pondering recently is the reality that this will be my last Christmas working in the retail sector and after working in 'shops' since the age of fifteen it really hasn't sunk in that my shop keeping days are slowly drawing to a close and the new year will be a very interesting time in my life. The retail environment I believe will serve me well as I really have seen pretty much everything over the last 30 years tendering to the needs of the general public. I give thanks to God for the experiences and for the laughs and the tears and the characters and personalities I have met.

So there we are just a few bits of the many things going on right now. It really has been a quite incredible journey so far you know? I was baptized when I was 37 I was exploring the world of stand up comedy, then all of a sudden something happened and changed the direction of my life forever. God interrupted me and my families plans and taken us on the the most incredible white knuckle ride we have ever experienced and I don't see the ride ending anytime soon. To all of you who read my blogs thanks for your encouragement, thanks for taking a few minutes out of your life to enter my world and I hope that if you  can take anything from any of them then I hope that is can be the absolute truth and conviction of my faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and his desire to offer his love to you at any point in your life, whenever that may be.

Have a really great Summer,

with love

Alextheanglican.

Musings from Iceland!

Hi,

   I felt a little uncomfortable this morning as I walked down the farm track. I sensed something occurring behind me and as I looked over my should a very young calf and it's mother and it's father and a whole herd of beef were hurtling in my direction with only a rusty line of barbed wire to protect me from almost certain death from the marauding cattle. Externally I was calm, inwardly I was shitting myself, as I politely said, 'oh hello'  as they quickly got nearer and nearer and so greeted them respectfully and said 'you alright?' stupidly expecting some sort of reasonable response. The chief cow let out a mighty Moooooo and stared at me in the way Mike Tyson would stare at one of his impending victims. Fletcher (my dog) on  the other hand thought it most entertaining and sort of rocked backwards and forwards in anticipation of a playful charge around the field. I remained calm and gently screamed at Fletch to come away and leave them be. He duly ignored me and barked away contentedly. 

It was something like this !

Its funny how we can go from comfortableness to un-comfortableness in a few moments of hysteria. I frequently leave work and head off to the local retail park that houses the leading freezing and value specialist  Iceland and also Co-op, Ladbrokes and Coral bookmakers. I park up and wait patiently for 2 of my children to get off the school bus for their expected and unappreciated taxi service home. It surprising how quickly you can go from a feeling of comfort to a feeling of unease just sitting in a parking bay watching the world go by for 5 or ten minutes. Just a few days ago I parked up minding my own business, sometimes if I am a little early I get my phone out with my little prayer app on it and have a few moments of prayer and peaceful  tranquility in my scruffy little Chevrolet Aveo. Well on this occasion I had the window down a little and without noticing a police car draw up at my side whilst I was 'in the moment'. As my chin had sunken deep into my chest I was utterly oblivious to the officer who was patrolling the said car park. As I rose from my 'moment' I looked across at the constable who was paying me no attention and looking in the opposite direction at what I believe may have been a local 'customer' up to no good. I instantly felt uncomfortable and thought I hope he doesn't think I am loitering with intent to do know good. What if he thought I was a local gangster or villain waiting to do no good, if he asks I shall just mention I'm training to be a Vicar, No !!!!!!

The very practical Chevrolet Aveo!

It's amazing what you see from my little spot, I see a Black lady and a pram walk passed virtually every single day at exactly the same time, I observed a weird school boy on a passing bus gesticulate rather perversely at an old lady waiting for the number what ever !  I was approached once by a man wanting money, I refused so he called me a tight *c**t which left me rather frightened and unsure if I did the right thing or not. I have watched a big fat man get off his disability scooter and walk perfectly naturally into the bookies which left me uncomfortably asking myself Is this man disabled? Is he not just over weight? Is he on benefits? Is he spending his benefits in the bookies? Am I judging him? Should I be sympathizing with him? etc etc.   I see an Asian man in the same bookies, I question his religious integrity, I have seen chubby kids leaving Iceland with Pizzas and pop and I question their diet and general well being,  I see cars park on yellow lines and think why don't they park like I have and I generally curse them. So many things that make me feel slightly uncomfortable.

A Fat Kid Pizza

I don't really like the side of me that judges, it goes against the Christian Ethos somewhat, maybe it comes from a lifetime of trying to outdo others, maybe from school days fighting for ones credibility or standing in the school community, maybe out rivalry with a sibling, A desire to be better than the next person or out do a colleague a uneasy win at all costs mentally. It's something that I am very much  aware of and something I work really hard against doing. I don't want  to judge or be judged but somehow feel it is unavoidable in this highly competitive world that we live in.  I can think of so many examples were I have been judged, or compared or  given points for my performance as if I was some kind of  living Opportunity knocks clapo-meter. Assessed for work, for church, for writing, for stand up comedy, for studies it is just one long list in ones life long assessment. I really don't recall when just being okay has been okay ! 

 

  Hughie and his clapometer

But hey ho It is not my job to change the world I shall leave that to Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber but I think it doesn't do any harm to remind ourselves sometimes that when we find ourselves crossing the reasonable boundaries of judging others then we should indeed take a 'timeout' and enforce a restraining order on ourselves to make sure we don't judge others in a way that can be hurtful and harmful particularly if it is for  our own self esteem or progression.  

Till next time,

Alextheanglican

The waiting game !

Hello,
         A student passed me with his lunch in ASDA today, he had gone for the healthy option of a 2 litre bottle of Tizer and large bag of Twiglets and just before I had the chance to reflect what his BMI rating he would be on on the Wii fit, I was collared by a ASDA customer asking me if I could help him with his digital photographs, 'I don't work here' said I, as he looked at my Argos badge whilst trying to work out what a man in suit was doing in ASDA. I scuttled away quickly and grabbed my Eccles cake, whizzed through the self serve and retreated quickly back to the safety of my office to consume my homemade ham sandwich which I perked up with some crushed ready salted crisps and a coffee, white with no sugar.

The office is my little safety haven at work allowing a few moments away from the hustle and bustle and chance to catch up on the texts, Facebook statuses and to see how many junk emails I have acquired during the email super highway rush hour or two. Time and space seems to be a little hard to find these days as I bounce from work commitments to family to church to study and so on and on and on. Frequent reminders from individuals to take it easy or 'I don't know how you do it' ensure that I do indeed need to take it easy and actually work out how I do it and more importantly and significantly why !

Now as a deeply entrenched Christian I really quite like the season of Lent, because whilst there is indeed a lot going on and life is busy, I find myself frequently eager for the next challenge to arise and the next and hurdle to jump over. Just recently the boss (my wife) and myself have had to fill out the paperwork that goes off  to people who we don't know very well who will attempt to find a Parish, a Church, a community, and a importantly a home where the family will reside work and play whilst I serve Jesus Christ ! Where else would you do that, and flippin heck why on earth would you want do that?

So the forms gone in, the studies are going well, (no I lie they are going okay) and it all seems to be going in the right direction which I suppose is reasonably important. The prayer life is good, it could be better, the faith is strong it could be stronger, the doubts are rare but still come along from time to time. Time flies by yet sometimes seems to stand still, when will that big day arrive?

It's a sill question really because I do indeed know that the last weekend of June next year will indeed be when the big day arrives, and after being to a couple of Ordinations all ready I have dreamed and imagined the day many times over in my mind, things like the guests, the family members, the friends, the colleagues, the clergy, the congregation, it's all been there I can tell you. I pray my wonderful and inspiring Granny will be there and at a healthy 96 years young there is every chance she will be! I sometimes worry that it might all be a bit too religious for my non Christian friends, with all this standing up, sitting down, Amen this and singing that, for many folk the last time they sang in a group would have been at High School and too familiar songs at that. But for me the prospect of that religious 'stuff' is  highly exciting and is what I have be working towards for many years now. I of course would/will be humbled and delighted to have people who mean an awful lot to me present come the big day when the Bishop lays his hands on me and Ordains me a Deacon.

However there is much water to go under the bridge, many assignments to write, many prayers to be offered, much learning to be done before next June,  but March and the time of Lent make me reflect on the long road I have traveled whilst seeing the end of this particular journey getting ever closer and closer. So with just fifteen months to go I reflect on the struggles of being told 'no not yet, to the 'yes but not quite yet' to the 'yes, you can finally go and train to be a Vicar! To reflect on those that supported me, to those that encouraged me, to those that pissed me off, every single day of single year has been an incredible time of great learning, understanding and self awareness, it's been a time of great sadness, great joy, watching the kids grow up nearly as quickly as my ever expanding waistline. The new friends I have made, fellow trainee Revs, trainee readers, tutors, people I have met on placements, people full of life and sadly people close to death, what an amazing beautiful experience it has been from start to finish.

But for now, it is Lent, something that means sod all to many people these days, but occasionally I hear someone make reference to it as they share there sacrifice or whatever it may be, and it encourages me that people still have a spiritual connection and thankfully God is still on the agenda for millions and millions of people, and I am more than happy and prepared to engage with those and others who believe in our savior even if that doesn't mean they attend church daily, weekly or monthly, to be honest I will talk about God with anyone! After all the study, all the debate I still find God, as the way and the truth and trust me when I tell you when I say, we don't just sit there convincing ourselves that, God is all lovely and cuddly, because it just isn't like that, It is bloody hard and very challenging! But for me Lent is so important and worthwhile, A time to consider all that happens and all that will happen, from the cross to the resurrection, from the past to the present, from the here to the now,
Christ is here with me now (not literally of course) and with each day bringing me one more step along the way, having the utter confidence of that in my mind, keeps me heading with great optimism into Easter and beyond,
May God go with you,
Alex