BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER, ISN'T IT?

Greetings from East Lancashire,

As a lover of the traditional seaside holiday and after being brought up on the delights of Bognor Regis, Brighton by the sea and Butlins at Pwllheli, I decided four years ago to find the Frost family a traditional seaside resort that we hadn't had the joys of discovering before. After many hours trawling the Internet, going from Cornwall to Somerset, Devon to Suffolk, Dorset to Dover I struggled to find that special place that would live long in the memory and make us smile as we reflected on a special summer vacation.

This picture below is where I booked.

This place is Jaywick. If I had taken the trouble to look on Wikipedia I may well have established that Paradise it was not! In fact Wikipedia reads like the worse Tripadviser review you could possibly imagine.

It read " Jaywick was originally intended as a holiday resort for Londoners. Many of the houses were poorly constructed and were only intended for short-term holiday use". and,   "According to the Indices of deprivation 2010  the village is the most deprived area in England". 

So there you have it four years ago I had booked a a caravan in Jaywick the most deprived village in England. Of course  I had no idea and I remember as we stopped for our "long journey" picnic in a area of outstanding natural beauty, Colchester! my enthusiasm for the weekend was  well, still very enthusiastic! As we packed up our sandwiches because of a light to very heavy drizzle we headed for the resort determined that the sun would soon be upon us. I recall putting on radio 5 live on as it was the opening day of the football season only to discover Burnley FC were three down after just seven minutes of action.  I refused to be down hearted as I Put my windscreen wipers on full blast to cope with the brief downpoor of Biblical proportions which only lasted for  about 6 to 7 hours !   As we drove through the traditional resort of Clacton Upon Sea, I honestly recall seeing an advert for Britains last remaining Circus with animals! I was unsure if I should be mildly impressed or deeply outraged. I decided to leave that for a rainy day, of which there would be many!

So we left Clacton and quickly picked up signs for Jaywick, and that, "reaching destination" excitement had taken us all in a moment of giddyness and joy, and as we turned slowly onto the Promenade we saw in front of us Jaywick Amusement arcade happily name Slots of fun.

Below is an image of Jaywick Amusement Arcade, Slots of fun!

Strange as it may seem we weren't amused by Jaywick "Amusment" Arcade !

And so we continued up the prom to observe some of the local accommodation.

Your probably getting the drift, that our choice of holiday was maybe a little ill informed and not the prettiest part  the British coastline had to offer.

      As we gained entry to our Caravan this was our view of the local land mark, 

To this day I have no bloody idea what it is!

I remember slumping in my 6 birth standard caravan saying to my dear wife "What have we done"? I remember being devastated at bringing my family to possibly the most dreadful resort I have ever seen. I decided to visit the local shops.

These were the local shops !

These really were the local shops. So I found the next local, local shop!

This was the next local, local shop!

The freezer was bare except for some Happy Shopper sausages and some Birds Eye Fish Fingers, I bought them with Milk, a loaf of bread and a Mcvities Syrup sponge, I just couldn't go back empty handed.

It was as you can imagine a difficult period of my life. 

At least we had the beach to look forward to the following day!

This was the beach.

So there you have it, Jaywick by the Sea, a true story, no less !

When I reflect on this holiday It makes me consider a number of things, The first day of  this trip almost convinced me to get in the car and head back to Lancashire and spend our weeks holiday wallowing in self pity at what a disaster it  all was. But by the end of the week I recall driving home after having really great holiday. You see the old "it's what you make it" kicked in and we made it a great holiday, We went to the Clacton Carnival, we went to Colchester Zoo, which was fantastic, we found a summer Fete, where I bought a book on Christianity and paid over the odds for four Cornets and a chocolate Magnum!  We went to Colchester Swimming Baths where they had great slides and a practical car park! We had one day of sunshine so we spent  it on Clacton Beach, the kids dug holes and paddled in the sea, we had fish and chips and went on the Peer. Trust me we had a great time.

The second thing that I reflect upon is how much fun and enjoyment can be find in the places you least expect it. By the end of the holiday we had grown fond of Jaywick, it made us chuckle every time we returned from a trip out, and still now we laugh about this "gem" by the sea.

It also makes me think about my future Ministry, Many people suggest a nice "leafy lane" parish would be nice, A beautiful chuch, where people are queueing up to be married, there is little crime, a nice community and all that, but in fact I,m not so sure. First of all I think all churches are beautiful, there is something unique about them all but also something they have in common is they are places where we can meet God in the sharing of communion.  I don't know where my future ministry lies, and I may well end up in that "leafy lane" environment but if God chooses to lead me and my family to somewhere a little less pleasant on the eye then so shall it be.

My wife offered me some real words of encouragement not too long ago, I was pontificating about the future, slightly worried if the Parish we ended up in has a resemblance of Jaywick by the sea, how on earth would we cope. But Sarah put my mind at rest by  simply saying "As long as we are all together, we will be fine". And I take great heart from that, it's a reminder that love doesn't leave you because your in a  a difficult place, in fact it enthuses me that love can sometimes be found in those difficult times and challenging environments, just as it can be found in the more affluent areas of society. It fills me with confidence in God. Love can truly be found and expressed anywhere and anytime.The secret and the challenge for us all is seeking it out and expressing it to one another!

May the peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all.

love

AlextheAnglican.

Going through the emotions!

Do you ever think you think too much?

I know I do, As I approach a significant milestone in my Christian life, I can't help thinking about the journey I have traveled to this point of my life, I think about school days, friendships, past careers, and colleagues and it seems only a short time ago when I began my first days work as a Van Assistant for Currys Electrical visiting my first customer and struggling desperately trying to a connect a three point plug to a very heavy washing machine. Every time I wheel out a washing machine for a customer these days in my present job, it takes me back to my teenage years where I was very much the "lacky" and did just as I was told.
These days I frequently find myself considering my vocation. Why have I been called to Ordination training, What is it exactly, God wants me to do?  Why me?  Why now ? It creates many emotions, Worry, excitement, frustration, Joy, doubt, confidence, it really does take you on a roller coaster of thoughts.
  I have much support particularly from family and friends, and "the church" has cared for me beautifully, but i find myself frequently being asked by others What made you do it?
I used to say I don't know, after all for a considerable period of time I thought the road of Comedy, was my calling, writing comic material was a real passion, and without being arrogant I was confident it was good stuff, Production companies told me so, I have a brief case full of stuff that I keep tucked safely away just in case I feel the urge to push again and have a go at the "fame game" although at this moment in time I have absolutely no craving to travel down that particular road.
 I often wonder what people think of my Vocation, after all I'm a man of extremes, and some of past blogs reflect what I like to consider is a rather color full life that i'm living. Frequently when people learn of what i'm doing a common response would be "I didn't know you were religous" or "How does Sarah (my wife) feel about it"?
One of Jesus' teaching was warning of the dangers of judging someone, which is something I struggle with most days of my life, but in turn I suppose I must get used to the fact the people will be judging me as I am now, and when I ultimately become Ordained and wear the dog collar through out my working life.
  So lots of emotions but probably no more than any other human being who thinks about life, family, money, the future the past, and I just want to express my confidence in my Faith that keeps me on the straight and narrow.
  Something that nearly always happens now when i,m about is conversation will turn pretty quickly to the subject of God, People will openly express their own position, whether Christian, agnostic, or Atheist, they seem to want to get it off their chest. Which is great, some people share very private thoughts, worries, experiences, people ask me to pray for them which I always do of course. People ask deep theological questions, People sometimes challenge me to convince them God exists. The questions are endless, but I must tell you this, If you have the slightest bit of Faith that God exists, then you must find a way to express that, It needn't be in a Church, but you can pray anywhere, anytime, and get those things that mash your head, off your chest.
Prayer has become one of the most important practices of my life, It is rather tricky to do that in a noisy household and so most of my praying is done on a farm track with my dog Fletcher,(he chases rabbits) where I pray out loud and get it all out, which has been rather embarrassing sometimes as the occasional runner discretely jogs passed listening to me praying about, work, people, life etc. but do you not what? I couldn't care less.
Among all the thoughts I have a clear, conviction that my faith is my strength, I give it all to God sometimes, and boy does that help, knowing that he can take all my burdens, and worries and fears, and then fills me with overwhelming love and encouragement which can hit me completely out of the blue is inspiring stuff.
  So when I,m asked now what may you do this? My simple answer is "God did"!
This normally generates a difficult moment of silence, and we carry on, but yep God did, and that's that.
I encourage all who read this who haven't prayed for sometime, to do so, get some of the anxieties off your chest, give them to someone that will listen in silence but may respond in a way that you never thought possible. You can do it anywhere and at any time, you do not  need an appointment to be with God.
In the words of a comic hero,
May your God go with you.
Alex the Anglican.

Judith Chalmers I am not !

I had always wanted a good camera, and as I am now settling into my forties, it was something that had been on my mind for some time, I had visions of my photographs of Pendle Hill, a Red Admiral Butterfly or even a misty lake with a Drogonfly hovering just above the surface, being displayed on North West tonight or in the latest edition of Lancashire Life. And so when the opportunity to purchase one at a very competitive price I took the plunge and planned to make my dreams a reality.
Oh this was a splendid piece of modern technology, it was sleak, sexy, smooth and had one of those lenses that popped out for what seemed like forever.
 I was keen to give it a try before my annual trip into Europe and so went down the farm path, where I photographed a Motorway Bridge, a tree, a puddle, a cow, a magpie, another cow, my feet, a fence and a Bull, which quite possibly could have been another cow! I was trying to master the auto focus, macro, flash etc and in truth out of about 50 snaps, 50 probably wouldn't  have made the local rag let alone regional television. I was that serious about honing my skills I spent a good 5 to 6 minutes in the back garden following a Bee as he stripped my flowers of nectar whilst I struggled in avoiding dog poo, my beloved pet had left for me to negotiate.

So there I was a few weeks ago at Manchester Airport, huffing and puffing, sweating and frustrated, angry and well and truly at the end of my tether. In my ideal pre flight programme, I would have had a couple of hours to peruse the over priced tax free perfumes, gasp at the price of M & M s and wonder to myself who actually shopped In the very chique Monsoon store in the departure lounge of the North Wests biggest airport. Does anybody plan to do a bit of clothes shopping before they jet off to Benidorm or any other exclusive destination Terminal 2 has to offer?
It all started so well, We Arrived at the airport in good time,I even remember hugging my wife at the bus stop.  We were whisked away by the shuttle bus which arrived in no time at all. We jumped on with excitement and enthusiasm for the long trip ahead. We got through check in nice and quickly, or so we thought, and made our way into to the thronging departure lounge which resembled a plague of ants on a discarded "Fab" ice lolly lying on a sticky pavement. It was heaving, but still cheerful and optimistic we made our way to the food hall fully prepared to pay an extortionate price for a hot meal that had been cooked to within an inch of disintegration. We scambled around for a table to seat the five of us, but then all of a sudden the harmony had been shattered, one wanted, Burger King, one wanted Deli Bar, The good lady and my self weren't fussed and another wanted Mcdonalds, which as far as I,m aware doesn't exist in T2. The queue to all food stations was longer than the opening of a new ride at Alton Towers, and after much deliberation as to which would be the quickest of the stupidly long queues, we decided non would match our increasing sense of impatientness and decided to seek another eating emporium about a mile up the other end of the departure lounge. After more pontificating we decided that all Food Halls in terminal two were "no go" areas and as our increased desperation increased, my eyes were drawn to the Boots concession offering sun creams, travel pillows, and the world renowned "Meal Deal!" My heart sank and with the body language of a defeated human being, I suggested to my Wife, that the Boots Meal deal was the only viable way we were going to have a holiday "nosh up" before we were called to the departure gate!
Oh the disappointment that swept through our family that we couldn't spend way over the odds for a cold Burger with shriveled fries and a cup of ice was almost too much to bare, but before we could consider any other options my darling wife and hit the fridge and I was left holding our leopard skin hand luggage. To be honest I pretty much abandoned the luggage and decided that a 30 metre range would be adequate to observe our cases as I took a seat where I could wallow in self pity! Just as I begun to wallow, I felt a self awareness of being light of baggage, and realized I hadn't taken any pictures of aeroplanes taking off or the annual family picture of us looking completely underwhelmed at the prospect of a 3 or 4 hour flight across countries we hadn't heard of! Feelin my torso for my new state of the art camera, I patted away, checked pockets that didn't exist until I was met with utter despair that my new toy was not safely around my neck, nor strapped to my waist, under my holiday hat nor any bloomin where for that matter.
  My wife emerged from Boots armed with 5 meal deals mine being a tuna-less tuna sandwich, to be met by me in state of total despair at the loss of my piece of technology that was going to transform the future of photographic images. I ran through the terminal like a a Father that had not seen his long lost son for decades, and asked people sat at tables, men with foreign accents serving orange juice, security guards that looked unwell, everybody and anybody, but nobody had seen my camera, I had slipped into a uncontrollable mental state, my life had been shattered the world had turned against me and I wanted everyone to know!
  My dearest wife on the other hand kept her composure very very well and with only a little flapping took it on herself to bring some order to proceedings and gently nipped back into Boots where she re-emerged a short time later armed with 2 disposable cameras and another 5 meal deals!
"What the hell?" I inquired. to which she rationally explained, "Alex, we still needed a camera, and we hadn't book for the on flight meals"!
  A few days later, we were on a delightful boat trip, bobbing up and down in a secluded bay in the glorious, picturesque Aegean Sea in the South of Turkey, my children were looking happy and cooling off  in the warm sea, when  my wife suggested a family picture, So there I was with my Boots disposable camera, looking through a plastic eyepiece about a cm in diameter, click, wind, click, wind, click wind ! The good holiday makers of Europe were nudging one another is astonishment that in this day and age people were still using the "Trueprint" method of photograpy, in fact I swear a man from the Ukraine took a picture of me taking pictures.  Many wonderful memorable evening events were missed as I waited for the flash light to appear. Some days later we persuaded one of our daughters that her bog standard Vivitar camera was better in our possesion and so most of our snaps are of low quality and frustratingly rather average.
Our other snaps will be available some time in the next 28 days. This years holiday pics just about crawl into double figures and is well off  the 2 to 3 thousand clips I was preparing to capture.

So the christian message!
Proverbs 15:18 

A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel,

I was hot, I stirred up much dissension, and it was a patient woman the calmed the quarrel.

May peace be with you all this day
with love from
Alextheanglican

A book a Judge a Cover!

Well hello again,
                        When I first saw this picture, in all honesty I thought, blimey trim those eyebrows !
When I see this picture today, I still think Blimey, Rowan, will you trim those eyebrows?

                     If there is one thing I,m an expert in, it is probably judging a book by it's cover, If your not     aware this man is The Archbishop of Canterbury,  Trust me he is a genius!

When  saw this picture I thought a nice looking chap.

Then I saw this picture. What do you think?

I thought no way!

And then I watched this.

He is a Christian.

see you next time !

Alextheanglican 

alextheanglican: A Love Story

alextheanglican: A Love Story: Hi Once again,                      "You might want to pull those up" said the Nurse. "Pardon" I replied. "You might want to pull those up"...

A Love Story

Hi Once again,
                     "You might want to pull those up" said the Nurse. "Pardon" I replied. "You might want to pull those up". And  so I looked down  to find my surgical trousers were around my ankles.14 years ago my surgical trousers were around my ankles as my wife was going through the trauma of a C-section as our first child was causing her some difficulty as he lay in the breach position. Some moments later after restoring my dignity, I was sat on a stool facing my quivering wife holding our baby boy Joseph whilst listening to Louis Armstrong sing "We have all the time in world" on the theatre music system, a memorable and very emotional experience.
  Later that morning my parents arrived to see Joseph and I remember holding them both so tightly and uttering the words, "I finally understand how much you love me". And now some years later as my son journeys on through the teenage years, I often think towards the time he has his own children, and I wonder how he will deal with responsibility of being a Father.
So back to my parents and on this blog, My Father. He is 92 now, his name is John, he has a mental illness and  he lives in a home, but it wasn't always like that.......
My old man was fifty years old when he had me, so he was generally regarded as old and often mistaken for my Grandfather, but in mind body and spirit he was much younger, much much younger, Everybody and anybody knew my Dad as Jack Frost, he was very chatty and would talk to absolutely anybody, he had a passion for many things, one being music, he was just brilliant on the piano, and bugged me to learn, and I regret very much not taking him up on his desire to pass on his skills for "tinkling the ivories" he was also passionate about sport, athletics in particular, he really was one of the best runners in the country and he always took great pride in the fact that he was selected for the Great Britain squad to run at the 1948 olympic games in London, an opportunity he regretfully declined. He was a sprinter and I remember as child spending many hours wearing his medals and polishing his trophies.
He was also very passionate and enthusiastic about me ! I was a terror at school, I worked badly, laughed frequently and went missing regularly. This caused my Mum much anxiety but my old Dad, just used to say "Don't worry, he will be fine!"
He was the most positive person I have ever known, he totally believed in himself and more importantly, me ! He used to stick signs around the house which simply read "Think Positive" which to be honest has kept me going on more than one occasion in later years, non more so than dealing with his own illness and my journey to be coming an Ordinand.
  He used to sit night after night trying to teach me the subject of mathamatics,  fractions, common denominators, division and multiplication only for me to wear him down with a total refusal to pay any attention.  He would often escort me back to school after, absence and truancy, yet would always, convince the school I wasn't a bad lad and just needed a bit more support and encouragement he never accepted I was heading for failure.
  Without wanting to turn this into a Biography about my Dad, I do very much want to turn this blog into a story about love.  My passion for my faith, my desire to follow Christ is born out of the resounding message of love, not particularly about how the world was formed, or Noah and his Ark or David and Goliath but out of Jesus Christs' graphic and incredible self giving  as his demonstration of love for his fellow human being.
Some people find it really hard to understand why I am an Ordinand, why on earth am I preparing to give the rest of my working life and beyond to serving God, and attempting to live a "good" christian life. I have asked myself the question many times, and it's only recently I feel that my Dad may have a role to play in this pathway, more than I had ever considered before.
  The last few years or alternatively the first few years of dealing with my fathers illness have been the most mentally challenging and upsetting times of my life. His illness has pretty much developed alongside my pathway as a christian. Seeing him  initially sectioned as he went missing, not for the first time, brought home the true realization that my Dad was not well. The guilt, oh the guilt to keep a loved one in a secure environment is overwhelming, he hated it, he didn't recognize his illness and couldn't understand why we were punishing him. To him we were punishing him, to us we were caring for him, it was not a nice place to be. Tests were done, trips out were allowed, and then the ultimate hammer blow by the mental health team which confirmed our worst fears, he was suffering from dementia. The eventual outcome resulted with my Father being placed into care he has been there for some time now, he has had real moments of suffering and we have had periods of more guilt and overwhleming hopelessness to the extent where we desperately hoped that God would intervene and give him peace.
However here we are some years later,still with moments of doubt, anxiety and pain but, I want to tell you about my Dad today. He is very settled, I see my Dad two to three times a week, We can't talk about a lot, it's pointless, he can't really deal with the here and now, but what he can do is to offer me his love! So much love you would never know, when I arrive, his eyes light up, he likes to hold my hand, and touch my arm, he looks at me with that same amount of pride he had for me as a boy, similar to that look of love he gave my son when he held him in his arms for the first time.  He sometimes just says to me, "Your my son" and I say, "I know, and your my Dad" and he says in his southern accent, "Yeah, that's right" and he smiles! We talk about the old days, about Burnley, about his running days, and his music, and he happily believes in his own mind that he was never beaten in a race and that he is the oldest man in the world! I of course know that niether are quite that accurate.
I never thought, I would say i,m enjoying my Dad with his illness, but I have accepted I can't have my old Dad back, but I can enjoy the Father I have now!
God will decide when my Father is taken to heaven, God has taught me, through my Father the value of life, my Fathers purpose as a human being is still being served, he reminds me everyday the importance of love. It is above everything, without love, what do we have? Jesus said, "Love thy neighbour as thyself" It is not easy I know, but try we really must try. My Father is my inspiration to this day, his charactor is incredible, his attitude wonderful, and his enthusiasm for life and love for living is hopefully as inspiring to you as it is to me.

P.P My Father died on Saturday 1st June 2013, I kissed him goodbye, I shall miss him forever.
Alextheanglican. 

Crimped hair and leather trousers

Hello,
       Firstly many thanks for all those of you who have said how much you enjoy my blogs, it give me great encouragement to carry on. current views are at 907 many more than I ever expected.

Do you ever get confused? I,m get confused frequently, It can happen in any place and at any time, and after I threw my underpants down the toilet last night instead of into the laundry basket, it highights how the brain sometimes works or doesn't work.
Some years ago whilst rushing to get ready for work, I was struggling to find some clean dry socks and after moments of stuggling I found some wet ones on the radiator. My brain in its wisdom decided a good way to dry my socks would be to stick them in the microwave  on full power for a few moments whilst I nipped upstairs to carry out my ablutions.
My occasional lift to work (Glynn) arrived at my home to smoke alarms going mental and a dense fog, and smell of burnt nylon acyrlic footwear.  Oh how he laughed as I vigoursly flapped the local newspaper in a pointless atempt to clear the  nausius fumes before we left the house for work.
  Whilst within the same employment I got dressed early, washed, brushed,cleansed etc, I had breakfast and got the bus to work, unlocked,put the lights on, opened the doors and awaited the first customer of the day. "Morning" I said to the enthusiastic window cleaner. "Morning" he replied, "Any reason why your wearing odd shoes"?
I looked down to have one very black shoe on and one very very brown shoe on, "No" I said, absolutly no idea".  Oh how the brain works.
Whilst on holiday in Croatia as a not so handsome 18year, my brain without much consideration decided, that Brown sandals with white socks, two tone black and white shorts, a white vest, free supersnaps camera (on a cord) and trilby hat was a fashion statement the Europeans of the East would aspire to follow. Or when I asked my Mum to perm my hair when I was sixteen, or when I walked round our local village in black leather trousers, eyes darkened by make up, my ears pierced(twice) and hair lightly crimped by my so called platonic mate Tania. Or the time I carried my Sony cassette player with the pop out handle around the Pleasure Beach at Blackpool with  the volume on full blast to the adolescent sounds of Madness armed with my fake ciggerette from the pier joke shop to  add some rage to my teenage angst and "yuff" statement! Yes the brain, my brain really has a lot to answer for!
 
  "What are you"?  I,m often asked, "I,m a Christian" I often reply. "Yes but what are you"? Catholic, erm, one of them Mormons, Methodist Church of England thingys"? I often reply, "Yes i,m Church of England". And then "Is that Catholic"? No its Church of England, I am an Anglican" I respond. And often I,m offered the response, "Right, is that The Pope?" Er no it's the Archbishop of Canterbury". And then "Is he The Pope"? and it goes on and on.

Sadly many people are so far removed from their own christian identity they have absolutly no idea what it is they are representing as supposed defenders of the faith. They have allowed themselves to become so confused by thier own christian position that they retreat and say nothing of what they are and what they believe. The same of course applies to The Bible, if you have not read it you could easily become confused, trust me it is not a simple cup of coffee novel and it is certainly no 50 shades of Grey, whatever that is about! The Bible is complicated, challenging, revealing, beautiful, frustrating, violent, humbling, sad and joyful.
But what frustrates me is people allow themselves to be so accepting of their own position of faith, particularly in adult life and accept that, that is how it is now and will be for ever more, and I don't need to engage my brain in developing my personal understanding of what God might have to offer, particularly to those who are a little, weary, frustrated, unloved, naffed off, angry, joyous, confused etc. The escape we seek can be momentarily found in a good book, TV, cinema, theatre, etc, but the solution and understanding can truly be found by developing ones faith, and understanding.

Start by re-evaluating what you are, Think,  Do I beleive in God? Do I believe that Jesus died so that will shall live in heaven? Do I accept that Jesus' key message to love thy neighbour is a good message, after all there was no commandment greater than this. If you answer yes to this, Hurray you have a basic christian belief.

Secondly - When was the last time you said a prayer? I am often asked to pray for people and I always do, but it would be even greater if you prayed yourself! We are a modest bunch, us British, we can't do anything that would be seen as daft or stupid, we like to fit in, but please, please try, just think If you could pray for just one thing, right now, What would it be? A loved one, a financial crisis, a hurt you have left undone, the joy your child has given you, the promotion, the new car, what would it be?  Just simply pray, for thirty seconds, something really simple, like Dear God, Thankyou for the lovely day I had a work, it was a joy, and I give thanks to you, Amen,
By doing this simple act if you have not done for some time, is reconnecting with your God, your prayer will be heard, you are speaking to the one who created you.

And finally, why not find your Bible? it may take some finding, it may be dusty, it may be that gideon one you got as a child, and if you don't have a Bible maybe go online.
 Please read one simple passage. Go to Psalms and find Psalm 139, it was written thousands and thousands of years ago, but it is one of the most wonderful and revealing poems/songs you can ever read.
If you do this, you and your brain have reconnected with your creator, you have made a small step in moving your faith forward, allow your brain to be inspired by the word of God.
And for that we must give thanks
In Christ with you all,
Alex
p.s. if you don't feel you are able to pray. privately message me, and I will pray, in total confidence for you!